


apologies aren’t enough

by BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Nepeta Leijon, Blood, Crying, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Referenced - Freeform, Stimming, Temporary Character Death, Unrequited Love, i have not finished homestuck, or adhd, this is absolute shit honestly, whatever floats yer boat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch/pseuds/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch
Summary: “because i was in love with you!”
Relationships: Nepeta Leijon/Feferi Peixes
Kudos: 3





	apologies aren’t enough

“ _why?! why did you do it?!_ ”

“ _because i was in love with you!_ ”

feferi snaps back, jolting. the scent of olive and purple blood fills the air around them, tangy and copper. despite the gore, she blinks slowly at her friend, eyebrows to the ceiling.

for a moment that draws on for what feels like eternity, nepeta says nothing. her fists shake wildly next to her face, becoming mere blurs of movement. sharp canines gnaw determinedly at the collar of her shirt like it’s fresh prey, hands too busy moving over the apples of her cheeks to draw down her hat.

on instinct, feferi leans out to do it for her. nepeta likes the taste of her hat better than her shirt, feferi knows, and she especially won’t like it now that it’s coated in her tangy green blood. 

she’s gentle when she pulls the hat off. nepeta’s eyes, wild and panicked, snap open at the loss of her favourite item.

feferi hands it back swiftly, ignoring the way shame begins to crawl and climb through her chest, up into her throat like acid.

nepeta takes it gratefully. tears fall like twin waterfalls over grey, freckled cheeks. her teeth snap around her hat, tearing away at the deep blue fabric.

feferi waits, wallows, simmers in her own shame.

nepeta’s in love with her.

nepeta’s in _love_ with her and she...

she’s not into women like that.

she shuts her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the way it burns in her chest.

she opens them.

nepeta opens her own. broken, hopeful, wet. shining with fresh water, yet there’s still love ( _it’s no longer pale_ , feferi realizes internally), a flicker of wish in those fearful eyes ( _they had been so, so empty before, when she’d leapt in the of the blade, defending the heiress from the rogue purple._ )

she considers lying. fibbing, letting quick white lilies fall from her tongue. just to see _hope_ in those eyes again, _joy_.

but...

she knows that she can’t. it’ll hurt her poor friend even more, it’ll hurt her when she falls for someone else.

it’ll hurt them both.

it’s...

“i’m sorry, nepeta” she says, voice breathy, barely a whisper. yet, the olive blooded troll hears it loud and clear.

feferi knows because of the way the hope dies, the horror, the pain in those eyes. filling with water anew and creating new waterfalls on her cheeks, sliding fat and fast.

“i don’t feel flushed for you” feferi finishes, voice so soft and so quiet a simple pin drop would’ve blocked the sound out entirely.

she almost hopes that makes it so nepeta doesn’t hear it.

but, as her friend collapses to her knees upon the floor, screaming and sobbing, she knows deep down that she did, loud and clear.

“i’m sorry, nepeta” she repeats, voice cracking as she begins to cry as well, “i’m sorry!”

it isn’t enough.

**Author's Note:**

> have i finished homestuck? no, not even close. did i write this knowing that it was probably gonna be really ooc and despite the fact that they’re trolls everything was going to be very human because i haven’t gotten a handle on troll terms yet? yes, yes i did.


End file.
